The One And Only

     Have been nearly manic the last couple of days. have at times felt almost TOO content. unfortunately that has made me a bit lazy too, and I haven’t done all the things I should. after a day or two off, MUST work again.

Of course there is still an outside stresser that could derail everything if i let it. i want to help people, do things for them but so much wrong in my life, and i’m so empty, that i must take care of me for now, get well so i can be there for others again. but the typical, judeo/christian view is that you forget about yourself, do for the world, and presumably, maybe they will do the same for you. you shouldn’t expect it though, and if you don’t get any support or help back, i guess you are somehow just supposed to exist without it and continue to sacrifice yourself for others.

i’ve never understood how you can fill others when you are empty. i mean, you can’t draw from a dry well. but they would probably say you take of others AND yourself on your own. that’s not what i hear though when they continually imply that you don’t matter at all, only other people do. again, how are you supposed to perform the magic trick of pulling love, support, and comfort out of thin air from nothing? all i know is that i can’t do it any more.