Was watching the season premiere of The Big Bang Theory last night, and episode 2 depicted an issue between Bernadette and Penny in which Amy got caught in the middle. Both Bernie and Penny would call her to complain about the other. Amy actually loved it. she saw it as an opportunity to bond with her friends (you know, the whole 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend' idea turned on its head). she also felt it made her more popular as she was the one the other two WEREN'T arguing with. She would agree with BOTH of them just to get closer to each in turn.
I could only shake my head and laugh, as I am in a similar situation. my two closest friends do this all the time, although one of them does it more than the other. she just called me yesterday afternoon to vent about all her frustrations with our other friend. I confess that I myself have pulled an Amy a few times in that I get sucked into all of it and participate. unlike amy though, I honestly DO agree with both of their points of view to some extent and have legitimate gripes of my own which I unfortunately have given in to the urge to articulate. that has gotten me in trouble a couple of times in the past because the friend who complains the most told the other. am sure she did it to open up dialogue between us all so we could work things out, but sometimes no amount of talking will fix the problem,sometimes you just want to vent, get it off your chest and move on.
Lately I have been noncommital; I sympathize but don't really participate. I want to avoid the negativity in my life. I want to be a better, more moral, simply NICER person, and again, no amount of talking will fix the issues with these people. they are who they are and they won't change. I have just emotionally distanced myself for the most part. it's a little lonely, but until I find new friends, I just have to accept these people with their faults (as they do mine I'm sure) and protect my heart. not the way I want it but what ya gonna do? only my oldest, childhood friends never really hurt me seriously and always had my back. we had issues from time to time, but nothing we couldn't work out. god I wish you all were here. love you guys, sharon haus, chastity cline, teresa carter, Tammy Skidmore, leah harris, jennifer thurman, briana peck, sherry adams, robert talkington, lori haley, robin thurston, robin haus and anyone else I may have forgotten at the moment.
I haven't written much here recently because there really hasn't been much new to say. It's been quiet and I haven't been doing much deep thinking either. I hate it because that means I haven't gotten a whole lot accomplished. I only exercised once or twice. I didn't really do any writing or much reading. I need to go easy on myself though because I DID sort through some things in my house, and I took better care of myself in other ways. I have been taking my meds like I should along with vitamins. I even put on earings yesterday for the first time in ages. Just need to get back to exercising. That is my main priority. I can do a lot more things I want to do if I don't hurt all the time, and am in better shape. wish me luck.
I tend to flit from one thing to another. I seem to never finish anything because I get bored and move on to something totally different from what I started with. I will pick a tv show I want to watch than usually quit before I get through the whole thing. I will pick out a director or actor in which I want to watch all their work, then I quit. I have had ideas for several writing projects and then I don't finish them. I have 3 novels I am working on, and I have recently had ideas for two more! grrr!!! JUST FINISH SOMETHING ALREADY!!!!!!
I had my first therapy session yesterday. I have SHOES older than the graduate student doing it lol. He seemed nice though if a bit nervous. He has the same name as one of my best friends in the world who passed away a few years ago. so someone has a sick sense of humor. Still, just one session is already making me ask questions of myself. I think this will help.
Of course there had to be a bit of drama on the way. the friend I went with (she WAS nice enough to fix it so I could go at the same time she does) couldn't get her car to start so she called our other friend several times to see if she could take us. couldn't get a hold of her, so she asked the guy she is obsessed with to drive us in his truck. didn't mind. I was only a little nervous about climbing up in the back (obviously only one of us could sit in the truck)and then figuring out how to arrange my legs so my knees didn't lock up. my friend jumped up in the back before me while i was still mulling it over though. naturally her wished for boyfriend had to bitch at me-"don't give up on life. you are riding in the back on the way home" in a shitty voice. then all the way there he proceeded to tell me what all I needed to do in therapy etc like he thought I was all of about 5 yrs old, and he with all his wisdom had to "teach" me. it's not even so much what he says as HOW he says it. he just seems to OOZE condescension. his voice sounds so patronizing.
I don't think I am imagining things. he has even upset my friend frequently when he tries to run HER life and criticizes things SHE does. of course SHE always makes excuses for him. ME, I always end up wanting to bitch slap him lol. I rose above it though and focused on why I came there. Just hope he doesn't have to take us again.
while reading a book about Charlie Chaplin, I was struck by the complete love/disapproval feeling I have for him. He was a brilliant film maker; I admire his political views, his fight for the little guy so much, and I really feel his heart was in the right place, but his penchant for very young women totally turns me off as it verged on pedophilia at times, in my opinion.
Comparing him to people like John Lennon, Anthony Weiner and Bill Clinton I have to ask, "are all men, no matter how honorable they are in their public life, no matter how many wonderful things they try to do for others, utter horndogs in private?" weiner was one of the only true liberal voices in congress. the work he did for the poor was so important. he KNEW what would happen in this tight-assed, puritan climate if he was caught, so how in the hell could he risk it all just to talk dirty to women on the interet!? and they ALL seem to do this. nothing seems to be as vital as getting that all-important orgasm. just don't get it. explains the love/hate relationship I have with men overall.
My daughter has discovered John Lennon within the last few years, and so I have been able to see him brand new through her eyes. It's really cool. She picked up a few books and DVDs from the library and we have watched the documentary "Imagine" together. Seeing John, hearing him speak, listening to his music, his message is always bittersweet to me, though, particularly in these days of corporate greed and poverty.
I wonder all the time how different things might be if we still had john around to bring attention to the games the powerful play, to call bullshit, bullshit. Songs like "power to the people," "working class hero", "revolution," and many more could do so much to rally the populace to make a change. The common people lost a powerful voice when john was murdered, and I have to admit that it pisses me off that yoko seems to focus solely on keeping product before the public to line her own pockets rather than participating in so many of the causes she and john were so vocal about when he was alive. She doesn't seem to promote john's message; she seems only interested in promoting herself.
She isn't john; I know that, but she IS his widow, and she has constantly touted herself as the keeper of the flame, the guardian of john's message, so why doesn't she actually do something with it? Has she ever said anything at all about the travesties that are occurring in our country now? hell no. the only thing I EVER hear her talk about is what a great marriage she and john had; she plays the grieving widow to perfection, all while living with the man she shacked up with VERY shortly after john's murder. nothing wrong with moving on, finding love again once your husband dies, but why not admit it then (I have never even heard her acknowledge sam havatoy's existence), and even more importantly, if you have had a live-in boyfriend for decades, stop fucking pretending you are still so heartbroken and devoted to John.
Sorry-I can't stand Yoko, and I will not apologize for it.
I don't really care if I ever get rich, but it would be nice to eat what I want occasionally instead of just whatever is the cheapest. It would also be nice to eat out once in awhile and actually go somewhere, do something on holidays. I feel as if my children have grown up with not very many special childhood memories. but then I know parents who never talk to their children, relate to them at all, just simply take them places to distract them, entertain them, and it makes me feel a bit better. it is not like that with us at all. we may not be able to go very many places, but we spend time together, talk, play games together, watch films together. we are very close, friends as well as being mother and children, and that does mean a lot. still...
You know how they say that today is the first day of the rest of your life? Well, it is a trite cliche, but appropriate for me right now. I really want to feel better, look better, be healthier and happier. I am 45 years old, and I feel like George Bailey. I love my family, but I look around and I realize I have done very little in life that I personally wanted to do. sometimes it's as if I'm living SOMEONE ELSE'S life because things are so far removed from the way I envisioned them, the way I dreamed they would be.
I remember when my grandmother died. I said I didn't want to waste my life in unhappiness and bitterness the way she did, feeling nothing at the end but relief that my life was over. things stayed the same. I reached the age my mother was when she died. again I decided it was time to do something, and I didn't. then I hit 40, the same age at which my beloved John Lennon died, my hero, my inspiration, the one person who has influenced me more than any other-STILL I did nothing.
I can't go on like this any more. I will be dead before 50 if I don't get in shape, eat better, lose weight. and if I don't change my life, go after some of my dreams, I won't CARE if I don't last through the next several years.
Still-I can't help feeling it's all useless, that I won't be here long enough to reach any of my goals any way. maybe it's because my mother died so young: I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired, tired of having all these dreams that never came true. realistically I know it's highly unlikely they will EVER come true. some of them like traveling require money which it doesn't look like I will ever have. some of them are fairly unattainable because of the statistics against them. but does that mean I should just give up trying? sometimes I want to.
adding to it all is the horrible situation this country is in. we are on the brink of collapse. I can see it clearly even if the sheeple drugged by fast food, reality tv and fox news can't. it scares me to death. I wonder what future, if any, my children will have in a world where the wealthy control everything, in which pursuing the all-mighty dollar is more important than the environment, people's safety, health, and even their LIVES. our country's motto should be changed from "in god we trust", to "I have mine, screw you." selfishness and greed have been spun into virtues.
but enough of all this-just rambling I guess.
A really rough time of it today. Having way too much experience with those who use and take advantage, I am perhaps overly sensitive to signs of such a thing. I acknowledge this, but I am in a situation right now that feels extremely familiar. I started helping out a friend by babysitting her daughter. That's all it was because she wasn't working and couldn't afford to pay me. I understood that, and was fine with it. It didn't take long, though, until she started asking me to do it A LOT. In addition, she would tell me that she was going to perhaps one place. Instead, she would end up being gone for HOURS without even calling me to tell me she was going to be gone longer than she had originally planned. It was nothing for me to meet her daughter at the school bus at 3 or 3:30, do all of her homework with her, feed her dinner (if she even bothered to leave anything for her to eat), which meant MY daughter had to cook OUR dinner, and then not getting home until 9 or 10 pm. On christmas eve, obviously her daughter was home from school, so when she asked me to babysit, instead of spending time with MY family, I ended up babysitting from sometime that morning until after midnight. I estimated I was there about 14-16 hours.
Keep in mind, this is all for free. fast forward a few months and she will often call me to babysit at a moment's notice. No lie, she calls,and when I ask when she needs me it's "whenever you can get here." she did this to me the other night at about 8:30 or 9:00 pm. I had already babysat earlier that morning for at least 4-5 hours so she could do some testing for a job (she finally got one this week). now I am sitting in my nightgown and she calls me to babysit. She once again didn't get home until midnight.
All of this wouldn't be quite so bad if there weren't other signs that are indicating that this "friendship" isn't much more than her sucking me dry for all she can get. from all i've said so far you can see that she thinks nothing of seriously inconveniencing her "friends"-well she also seems to get annoyed every time I or anyone else doesn't immediately give her what she wants. The most recent time she asked me to babysit at a moment's notice I quite fairly I thought, asked how long it would be. she says in a somewhat snotty tone, "I don't know shiela." Yesterday was the kicker though. she wanted something that wasn't really mine to do for her. through an honest misunderstanding, a mutual friend of ours asked me if I would do this and thought I said yes. I didn't really get she was asking, so when I found out the thing in question was already done I naturally was a bit upset. I made the mistake of talking to the mutual friend though instead of her directly about it.
My "friend" I have bent over backwards for calls me up all pissy about it. I explained to her as plainly as I could, that I misunderstood, that I had not realized I was being asked, that I had thought it was done without my knowledge, that was why I had gotten upset, and that I wasn't necessarily saying "no", but that it wasn't my decision, that what she wanted in this case was really up to my son. I should have realized that our mutual friend wouldn't have done this unless she thought she had my permission, but I have gotten so used to my "friend" getting everything she wants from everyone for free, that I guess it made me overly sensitive.
At any rate, she said never mind, that she didn't want it, that she always "pays her own way" (this from a woman who has been using this same mutual friend's extra vehicle complete with free gas for months because the one she owns that someone gave her for free from her church broke down and has been having her brother pay almost all her bills for her for almost a year)and that she had just thought because we were "friends.."
what does that mean? that I am supposed to just give her anything she wants for free no questions asked without complaining? it seems nothing is enough, that she just wants more and more, or at the very least thinks nothing of how much she has made me go out of my way and inconvenienced me. I have rarely EVER asked HER for anything. when she had a working car she used to ask me sometimes if I wanted to go get groceries with her, but I never asked her to take me. It was always her offering.
I don't know-I'm rambling, and maybe I am too sensitive. It just feels like she has asked me to go above and beyond. I should tell her if it's too much, but then she herself should realize that things like over 12 hours of free babysitting on christmas eve is too much. I dread what's going to happen now that she is working, and she will be paying me. will she feel even MORE entitled, ask for even MORE because she is giving me what I predict to be a VERY small salary? I have to ask for something. my family can't afford for me to work a full time job for free. we need the money. what the hell have I gotten myself in to?
There is change in the air. I feel it. For the first time in a VERY long time, I am experiencing something that I thought had died in me, REAL hope. I am afraid to think about it too much for fear of disillusionment, of being disappointed again, but it's there. I sense light at the end of the tunnel. It's actually a bit frightening. I pray more than anything that I will not do anything to mess this up, that I will not allow any minor irritations, hardship or setbacks which I may go through on the way to derail the forward momentum.
A friend of mine has been trying to get a job for a long time. It finally happened for her, so I will now be babysitting for her daughter. It is Burger king, so until she gets a better one, I won't get paid much, but it's a start! Please don't let anything go wrong. I need this! I need more financial independence, more freedom. Now if Katie gets a job too...
Today I am examining my tendency toward the negative. Well, maybe it's not so much MY tendency toward negativity but how badly I allow negativity to AFFECT me and cause me to be negative in return. case in point-I seem to get less done when my husband is home. he just oozes so much bad mojo that it nearly paralyzes me. I sit around all day stewing or walking on eggshells wondering what will cause him to go off on one of his famous little temper tantrums next.
It's a horrible way to live, and if I don't find a way to ignore it, I will NEVER get where I want to go in life. the PMS hormones I still suffer from make it difficult to be productive as well. somehow I MUST get past this and do what is best for me. I even stopped exercising again. this has to STOP! I owe it to myself to be healthy, happy and successful!
Looking at my physical symptoms along with my general crabbiness, I am pmsing, but despite all that, I feel pretty good overall, better than I have in a long time. maybe it is the slight improvement in the financial situation, but something seems to have changed. I just need to work on my pms-induced lack of ambition, and get the things done that I need to do lol.
The important thing is that I am shedding all the negativity, the pain, the fear, the anger that has kept me frozen in place. It's a new day, a new me. I feel ready to move forward. all those in my life who wish to join me, I welcome it. goodbye to anyone and anything that tries to keep me down or hold me back though. If NO ONE comes with me, I can and WILL make it on my own. "The cold never bothered me anyway."
And all I lov’d—I lov’d alone—...." Edgar Alan Poe I have never felt quite like other people, but lately, my "uniqueness" had been bothering me more than usual because people seem to be drawing my ATTENTION to it more often than usual. Recently, I went down to Jeanne's with Katie to color Easter eggs. Sam was making a terrible mess, dipping her hands in the colors like a toddler, ruining them, and at one point eating french fries with those same hands she had just dipped in the food coloring, water and vinegar solution. perhaps I am much too anal, but I found it immensely silly and disgusting frankly. I got the distinct impression that I was judged for this, that I was thought of as weird because I was uncomfortable. Allusions have also been made to my claustophobia and my intense love of the arts. I could tell the other night that my irritation at trying yet again to watch a show I had specifically been asked to come down and watch while everyone else was talking instead also received scrutiny. all that to say this. I suddenly feel better about my weirdness, and predictably it is because of the arts. I am binge-watching "Friends" and the way people accept Monica's similar quirks even though she is occasionally teased good heartedly about it is like balm to my freaky little soul. I am much happier in my own skin. yes, people, I AM a Monica and I'm proud of it lol.
I found that video on facebook and loved it. It really poses an interesting question-where do we find purpose in life? The answer Stephen Frye comes up with is a simple one-our individual purpose is found in what we love the most, what gives us joy.
MY answer is probably the arts. Films, art, books, and music just transport me to another world, something that only sitting outside during a lovely day or night can also accomplish. Not very many people understand this. if you love these things too much they consider you to be a daydreamer, someone who has no place in the "real" world. I have heard that over and over. I don't get it though. The majority of our "real" life is pretty freaking boring unless you are wealthy and can afford to go to all kinds of new places and have new experiences. so what's wrong with loving the fictional worlds created by others? and why can't one still participate in "real" life along WITH the imaginary one? In addition, as I have discussed here before, I feel that art, books, music, and films shine a light on humanity so well; they open up a terrific philosophical debate about people, their characters and motives.
But what PRACTICAL purpose does speculating about humanity hold? Is it useful at all? Well, you could technically ask the same thing about many other pursuits, even some branches of science such as theoretical physics. None of it can be entirely proven, and it doesn't really impact people's daily lives. History, philosophy, psychology, and sociology are all interests that largely involve thinking rather than tangible ACTION. Is that the REAL issue then that people have with individuals such as me? like people who use that old cliche, "those who can't DO, teach", they believe that only those things outside ourselves matter, that self-reflection is useless; value is found solely in pursuits with other people, FOR other people, and in activities that concern physical survival?
That's what it breaks down to isn't it? They feel something has to be "practical" ,or it must concern something you DID, or something someone you KNOW did, rather than what you THINK about, or something that just makes you happy without any other tangible benefit. I have no doubt they think I am silly talking on and on about movies I love etc. I should be talking about more "real" life subjects like the crap I took this morning I suppose. Movies, books, music, art, etc are just silly "entertainment" as opposed to the vast importance of a blow by blow recap of the few daily activities my limited money allows me to engage in, right? It's not like I can afford to jet off to Europe and then talk about THAT.
Only if I did nothing but sit in my house, refuse to interact with other people and immerse myself in fiction would they have a point in my opinion. Maybe when I finish my book, sell it and make money giving others the mindless "entertainment" they disdain will they take me seriously. In the meantime, HE gets it:
I have reached another point in which I say enough is enough, time to change things for good. H threw away another job because the client pissed him off. I guess his pride is more important than making sure his family has a place to live. some good news though-my son got his first job, and there is a hotel just down the road hiring for desk clerk, so I might be able to work as well. In addition, there are two new places opening up where my DAUGHTER might be able to apply. If we all band together we might be able to do this, take care of ourselves so we no longer have to rely on napoleon. I NEED that. I was once a strong, independent person. I want so much to find her again, and maybe this time, I will. One can only hope.
I am hormonal again. The one good thing about it is that it DOES have a tendency to make me take stock of my life and think about the things that aren't working. In keeping with that gift, last night I had a long talk with my daughter about the main issue that invariably comes up at this time, my so-called friends. I have had so many problems with both of the closest ones which I have detailed here NUMEROUS times. Of course the real crux of the matter is that I have a hard time believing that they really care about me (I have also discussed THAT here). In the past, I usually just ended up writing off all my misgivings as simply PMS induced paranoia and forgot about it until the NEXT occasion. Last night was different.
I started comparing the past and my previous relationships to the present in an attempt to figure out if all this really IS me, or if maybe I am actually a bit RIGHT in believing Jeanne and Linda are kind of sucky friends. I came to some very interesting and enlightening conclusions.
1. I had both friends that I loved like siblings and a couple of frenemies that hurt me terribly. I don't recall EVER being confused as to which was which.
2. I was in a sense the leader in our circle. My friends valued my opinion, almost looked up to me in fact. They even argued over me a little on occasion, envied how much time I spent with OTHER friends.
3. I never felt alone. I had no doubt that if I needed a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on that SOMEONE always had my back.
4. Most importantly, I BELIEVED in my friends. I NEVER doubted their love for me.
I really can't say that too much of this applies to the present. Number 2 DEFINITELY doesn't apply. But then, I was a bit older, a bit more mature than my years, and so my younger friends would NATURALLY have looked up to me a bit. Now I am the younger one, so my friends probably feel THEY know more. Not sure exactly. Am I missing being the leader, the one everyone turned to for wisdom, guidance and advice? Is it a power trip on my part, or do I simply feel ignored now? Do I believe that my current friends don't care about my opinions, don't think I have much of value to contribute?
The last two are the most troubling. There is obviously a REASON I doubt my current friends when I never did in the past, and I keep going back to #3. Linda has been spending a LOT of time with Jeanne lately. She is always calling her and going over to her house. she NEVER comes to mine, and it is only once in a blue moon that she ever CALLS me. Jeanne only seems to call me if she wants something. There are a few occasions in which this is not the case though, so maybe it IS hormones which makes me feel neglected in HER case to some extent.
I just don't know. I DO know that I miss that feeling of togetherness, the love I had with my childhood friends,and I don't know how to get it back, if it is even possible with the people in my life now. can linda ever stop being judgmental, accept me for who I am and actually stop trying to save the world long enough to spend time with me? can jeanne ever stop talking about herself and Jeff long enough to interest herself in MY life occasionally as well? if they CAN'T, are they actually bad friends? or am I asking too much of them, and I simply need to trust in their affection anyway, ignore my hurt feelings and take what I can get? who the hell knows at this point?
Read this article today on facebook. Some real food for thought here:
No One Really CaresP
Believe it or not, we're not that special. We go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is—those people are thinking the exact same thing. No one in today's "smartphone-crazed" society has time in their schedule to think more than a brief second about us. The fact of the matter is, when we do have time get our thoughts straight, we're too busy thinking about ourselves and our own shortcomings—not others.P
A study done by the National Science Foundation claims that people have, on average, 50,000 plus thoughts a day. This means that even if someone thought about us ten times in one day, it's only 0.02%of their overall daily thoughts. It is a sad but simple truth that the average person filters their world through their ego, meaning that they think of most things relating to "me" or "my." This means that unless you have done something that directly affects another person or their life, they are not going to spend much time thinking about you at all.P
I've always enjoyed watching performers trying to hustle for some change at New York City train stations. These guys simply don't give a F@$%. But the more interesting observation I made is how the spectators react. Rather than watching the actual performers, most people are looking around to see how other people are reacting. If people were laughing, they would start laughing too. But if people weren't paying attention, they would also pay no mind.P
Even when provided with the blatantly obvious opportunity to judge someone, people are still thinking about how others may perceive them. Once you understand that this is how people's minds works, it's a big step towards freedom.P
You Can't Please EveryoneP
It's impossible to live up to everyone's expectations. There will always be people—no matter what we say or how we treat them—that will judge us. Whether you're at the gym, at work, taking the train, or even online playing Call of Duty. Even now it's happening. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can stop it from affecting you.P
Think about the worst thing that could possibly happen when someone is judging you or what you're doing. I guarantee that chances are—nothing will happen. Absolutely nothing. No one is going to go out of their busy lives to confront us, or even react for that matter. Because as I mentioned before, no one actually cares. What will happen is that these people will actually respect you for claiming your ground. They may disagree with you, but they'll respect you.P
Start standing up for what you believe in—causes, opinions, anything. You're going to have people that disagree with you anyways, so why not express how you truly feel? I've learned that it's better to be lovedby a few people you care about, than to be liked by everyone. These are family, friends, your spouse—the people who love you for who you are, and the people who will be there for you during your worst times. Focus on these people. They're the only people that matter.P
You Reap What You SowP
Worrying too much about what other people think can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the way we think starts to become the way we behave. P
These individuals become people-pleasers and are overly accommodating to others, thinking it will stop them from being judged. In fact, the opposite is true. Most people don't like push-overs and are turned off by it. The behavior we use in an attempt to please others, can actually cause the opposing effect. This means that if you're a push-over, then you're going to be attracting others in your life who are also push-overs. Vice versa. This can be quite a dangerous path to go down if you don't recognize its consequences.P
It's been said that we are the average of the five people we hang out with the most. When we start to attract and associate with the same people that share our weaknesses —we're stuck. We stop growing, because there's no one to challenge us to be better. We start thinking that this is the norm and we remain comfortable. This is not a place you want to be.P
Now let's talk about the cure. Here are five ways to stop giving a F@$%.P
First and foremost. You need to know what's important to you in life, what you truly value, and what you're ultimately aiming for. Once you know who you really are and what matters to you, what other people think of you becomes significantly less important. When you know your values, you'll have something to stand up for —something you believe in.P
You'll stop saying yes to everything. Instead, you'll learn to say no when friends pressure you to go bar-hopping, or when a tempting business opportunity distracts you from your business. When you have your values straight, you have your shit straight.P
2. Put Yourself Out ThereP
Now that you know what your values are, it's time to put yourself out there. This can be done several ways. Here are a few suggestions:P
Keep in mind that when you're doing any of these activities, you have to speak your mind. Be honest with yourself and what you share, because the world doesn't need another conflict-avoider who does what everyone else does.P
Surround yourself with people who are self-assured, and live life without comprising their core values. These people will rub off on you quickly.P
One of my best friends, Cody, has been a big influence on me. Having spent the summer with him, I've observed countless times where he strongly voiced his opinion on controversial topics. What I learned was that he was simply voicing opinions that people already had in their heads, but were too afraid to voice. People admired him for being so honest and direct, even when they disagreed with his views. Thanks for not giving a F@$%, Cody.P
4. Create a "Growth List"P
OK, now we're getting personal. I haven't told anyone this, but I have this list called the "Growth List." A Growth List is comprised of all the things in life that makes you uncomfortable. These are fears, insecurities—anything that gives you the jitters. Here's how it works.P
You start by writing all the things that make you feel uncomfortable. Then one-by-one, you do them. Once you complete the task, you move on to the next. Repeat.P
My first growth task was taking a cold shower (The Flinch). I turned the water as cold as it could get, and I could feel my body shake before I even entered the shower. This was the inner bullshit voice in my head talking. It was hard at first. But surprisingly, it got easier the second time. Then even easier the third time. Before I knew it, my body stopped shaking—I was no longer uncomfortable; I'd conquered my fear.P
This exercise does wonders. I have yet to find a better way to get out of my comfort zone. You can read all the books in the world about being confident or getting over your fears, but if you don't take action, you're just someone who's read how to ride a bicycle without ever having ridden one.P
5. Travel AloneP
If you're looking for an ultimate transformation that combines all of the points above, you should travel alone. Traveling with other people can be fun, but you won't get the opportunity to truly get out of your comfort zone. You'll be exposed to different social cultures, break social norms that you didn't even know existed, and ultimately, be forced to burst out of your small bubble.P
Bring as little as possible, and fit everything into one backpack. Plan nothing, except for a one-way flight ticket to your destination—figure everything else out when you're there. Trust me, you'll be just fine. It won't be easy initially, but don't get discouraged. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable will grow with time. I continue to struggle with it everyday, as do many others. But you need to get started today.P
The world is already full of people who obey the status quo. But the people who don't give a F@$% are the ones that change the world. Be the latter. Start living life the way you want, be fearless like you once were as a child, and always, always stand up for the truth.
