I continue to be hormonal-either that, or i have finally decided to live in reality. don’t know which. i don’t seem to be sad. if anything i feel somewhat numb today. maybe my meds have kicked in. at any rate, i appear rather calm and matter of fact. i have come to some drastic decisions, and i don’t see any turning back.
for years, my daughter was almost everything to me. she looked up to me; she respected me, and being so lonely, having such little self-esteem, i clung to her. i think i’m finally ready to accept that she wasn’t worth it, that she wasn’t who i thought she was. she is my daughter, and i will always care about her, but i don’t like her much any more.
part of it is my fault. i allowed myself to care too much, to depend on her too much. i wanted a friend, and i am her mother. it’s time i acted like it. i don’t know where that leaves me. perhaps it’s time i just decide to be alone, to depend on no one but me. today i’m actually kind of ok with it. thank you prozac lol.
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