What Is Normal Anyway?

     I feel a little better today.  Still feel somewhat awkward with friends though.  Don't really know how to open up and trust, let people in anymore.  I had thought my ability to engage in more casual relationships as opposed to the always deep, emotional ones of my past was progress.  Now, instead of supplementing my soul mate friendships, I worry I have REPLACED them entirely with banality. Even when I find someone I feel I could be close to, something always happens and I become disillusioned, begin to back away, retreat.  God, it's hard.  I want to love someone as I did Chastity, Pete, Tammy and Steve, but I don't know if I have it in me anymore.