Losing My Religion

     I stayed home from church on Sunday for Katie's birthday, and I stayed home last night just because I WANTED to.  In some ways I am really glad that I was told to call if I wanted a ride, and that if I didn't, it would just be assumed that I wasn't going to church.  I don't have to be judged any more.  If I don't go, I don't have to wonder whether or not my reasons for not going will be approved.  I can just relax now and be me, and it is sooo much less stressful to be honest.   It is also more positive.  I don't have to hear every minute about how rotten humans are and how the narcissistic god demands more and more worship and work.
     I do miss Linda though.  I have to face facts though, that the Linda I loved is basically gone.  She is so wrapped up in the church, and what time she isn't there, she is doing things for the old lady or she is doing something with this couple, the Wells or with Suzanne.  I have been totally replaced; there is no longer any room in her life for me.  I don't think she even WANTS me in her life at this point.  I don't think she approves of me.  I don't think she believes I am good enough for her any more.  THAT does hurt, but I don't think there is anything I can do about it.  I can't be what she thinks I should be, and I can't maintain a friendship with someone who is never there.
     Will I keep going to church at least on sundays?  I haven't made up my mind yet.  I hate to just give up on Linda after all these years, but I feel she has already given up on ME, so...