The Meaning Of Life

     http://www.upworthy.com/what-the-hell-do-people-believe-in-if-they-dont-believe-in-god-this-guy-has-one-heck-of-an-answer?c=ufb1

I found that video on facebook and loved it.  It really poses an interesting question-where do we find purpose in life? The answer Stephen Frye comes up with is a simple one-our individual purpose is found in what we love the most, what gives us joy.  
     MY answer is probably the arts.  Films, art, books, and music just transport me to another world, something that only sitting outside during a lovely day or night can also accomplish.  Not very many people understand this.  if you love these things too much they consider you to be a daydreamer, someone who has no place in the "real" world.  I have heard that over and over.  I don't get it though.  The majority of our "real" life is pretty freaking boring unless you are wealthy and can afford to go to all kinds of new places and have new experiences.  so what's wrong with loving the fictional worlds created by others?  and why can't one still participate in "real" life along WITH the imaginary one?  In addition, as I have discussed here before, I feel that art, books, music, and films shine a light on humanity so well; they open up a terrific philosophical debate about people, their characters and motives.
     But what PRACTICAL purpose does speculating about humanity hold?  Is it useful at all?  Well, you could technically ask the same thing about many other pursuits, even some branches of science such as theoretical physics.  None of it can be entirely proven, and it doesn't really impact people's daily lives.                 History, philosophy, psychology, and sociology are all interests that largely involve thinking rather than tangible ACTION.  Is that the REAL issue then that people have with individuals such as me?  like people who use that old cliche, "those who can't DO, teach",  they believe that only those things outside ourselves matter, that self-reflection is useless; value is found solely in pursuits with other people, FOR other people, and in activities that concern physical survival?
     That's what it breaks down to isn't it?  They feel something has to be "practical" ,or it must concern something you DID, or something someone you KNOW did, rather than what you THINK about, or something that just makes you happy without any other tangible benefit.  I have no doubt they think I am silly talking on and on about movies I love etc.  I should be talking about more "real" life subjects like the crap I took this morning I suppose.  Movies, books, music, art, etc are just silly "entertainment" as opposed to the vast importance of a blow by blow recap of the few daily activities my limited money allows me to engage in, right?  It's not like I can afford to jet off to Europe and then talk about THAT.
     Only if I did nothing but sit in my house, refuse to interact with other people and immerse myself in fiction would they have a point in my opinion.  Maybe when I finish my book, sell it and make money giving others the mindless "entertainment" they disdain will they take me seriously.  In the meantime, HE gets it:

                                                     

Ch-Ch-Ch Changes

     I have reached another point in which I say enough is enough, time to change things for good.  H threw away another job because the client pissed him off.  I guess his pride is more important than making sure his family has a place to live.  some good news though-my son got his first job, and there is a hotel just down the road hiring for desk clerk, so I might be able to work as well.  In addition, there are two new places opening up where my DAUGHTER might be able to apply.  If we all band together we might be able to do this, take care of ourselves so we no longer have to rely on napoleon.  I NEED that.  I was once a strong, independent person.  I want so much to find her again, and maybe this time, I will.  One can only hope.

                                                           

I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve...

     I am hormonal again.  The one good thing about it is that it DOES have a tendency to make me take stock of my life and think about the things that aren't working.  In keeping with that gift, last night I had a long talk with my daughter about the main issue that invariably comes up at this time, my so-called friends.  I have had so many problems with both of the closest ones which I have detailed here NUMEROUS times.  Of course the real crux of the matter is that I have a hard time believing that they really care about me (I have also discussed THAT here).  In the past, I usually just ended up writing off  all my misgivings as simply PMS induced paranoia and forgot about it until the NEXT occasion.  Last night was different.
     I started comparing the past and my previous relationships to the present in an attempt to figure out if all this really IS me, or if maybe I am actually a bit RIGHT in believing Jeanne and Linda are kind of sucky friends.  I came to some very interesting and enlightening  conclusions.
     1.  I had both friends that I loved like siblings and a couple of frenemies that hurt me terribly.  I don't recall EVER being confused as to which was which.
     2.  I was in a sense the leader in our circle. My friends valued my opinion,  almost looked up to me in fact.  They even argued over me a little on occasion, envied how much time I spent with OTHER friends.
     3.  I never felt alone.  I had no doubt that if I needed a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on that SOMEONE always had my back.
    4.  Most importantly, I BELIEVED in my friends.  I NEVER doubted their love for me.
     I really can't say that too much of this applies to the present.  Number 2 DEFINITELY doesn't apply.  But then, I was a bit older, a bit more mature than my years, and so my younger friends would NATURALLY have looked up to me a bit.  Now I am the younger one, so my friends probably feel THEY know more.  Not sure exactly.  Am I missing being the leader, the one everyone turned to for wisdom, guidance and advice?  Is it a power trip on my part, or do I simply feel ignored now?  Do I believe that my current friends don't care about my opinions, don't think I have much of value to contribute?
     The last two are the most troubling.  There is obviously a REASON I doubt my current friends when I never did in the past, and I keep going back to #3.  Linda has been spending a LOT of time with Jeanne lately.  She is always calling her and going over to her house.  she NEVER comes to mine, and it is only once in a blue moon that she ever CALLS me.  Jeanne only seems to call me if she wants something.  There are a few occasions in which this is not the case though, so maybe it IS hormones which makes me feel neglected in HER case to some extent.
     I  just don't know.  I DO know that I miss that feeling of togetherness, the love I had with my childhood friends,and I don't know how to get it back, if it is even possible with the people in my life now.  can linda ever stop being judgmental, accept me for who I am and actually stop trying to save the world long enough to spend time with me?  can jeanne ever stop talking about herself and Jeff long enough to interest herself in MY life occasionally as well?  if they CAN'T, are they actually bad friends?  or am I asking too much of them, and I simply need to trust in their affection anyway, ignore my hurt feelings and take what I can get?  who the hell knows at this point?