More Hormonal Musings

     I am finding it difficult to deal with people right now, including myself.  Jeanne is going through such a rough time of it, but unfortunately, she seems intent upon making things far worse by choosing as many bad decisions as possible.  In addition, every time I or anyone else makes a suggestion as to how she can rectify the mistakes she has made or make her life a bit better, she immediately summons a million excuses as to why she can't.  It's as if she is not only is determined to stay stuck in misery, but is content to WALLOW in it.  Much like my grandmother, she hates her life, but appears to want to stay mired in self-pity  rather than lift a finger to change her circumstances or get a reign on her emotions to find some peace even in unhappy circumstances.  It's like she ENJOYS despair.  It is difficult to even be around her.  Not that I am much any more.  She always chooses to stay alone in her apartment with her daughter and stew rather than be with people who care and might be able to cheer her up.  I see her only during one of the million times she has me babysit for her.
     As for Linda, she seems to be avoiding me.   I call and she always gets another call, asks to go and that she will call back.  course she doesn't.  I decided that I could not physically handle being on my feet for hours right now and turned down my job, so maybe that is it.  She doesn't approve of my decisions, and so avoids the loser like the plague.  paranoia?  maybe, maybe not.
     Another friend only appears to call when she wants something.  But then she did drop off cold meds for me yesterday (I have had a miserable cold for a week) and a video from our yoga class I could use at home.  Maybe I should just take what i am given and not analyze it, not place sinister ulterior motives on everyone.
     Of course that is difficult to do with raging menstrual hormones.  I distrust everyone and everything.  I can't even trust myself.  I have no energy, no drive, no ambition.  I am just consumed with an overwhelming lethargy.  All I want to do is veg on the couch.  I can barely summon the will to do the most mundane of tasks like cleaning or even showering and dressing myself.  it sucks.  I must fight it or my house will never be clean and I will never improve myself or my situation.  I need to learn to be my own best friend, love myself (my best childhood friend is gone too).