I Give Up

 I'm wrong.  I am fat, stupid and lazy to ask anyone to help me do anything.  Everyone in the family has made that clear to me.  Despite my illness, my disabilities and my obesity I must get it together somehow.  I am on my own.  Anthony told me flat out when I asked him to put away dishes that he feels he has given up his entire life to help his family, and that because of that nothing should be asked of him.  He also said that I base his worth solely on how much he does for me, and that it's never enough for me.

I'm sure the rest of the family feels the same way about me.  So add ungrateful to fat, stupid and lazy I guess.  Because they work I should thank God they just allow me to live here, and I need to spend every minute of every day cleaning up everyone else's shit with a smile on my face.  Duly noted.  I want to try as hard as I can to never ask anyone for anything ever again and to just keep my mouth shut unless I'm asked to speak.

If I work until I drop dead and never complain about a single thing will that finally please them? I'd be content if I was just no longer called fat, lazy and stupid every day.

Nothing Changes

 Wish I was dead. Period. End of story.

Try Try Again

 Been a long time since I've done this.  I don't know maybe it will help.  There are a lot of things I'd like to talk about and no one to do it with.  I'm back in counseling but there are things I don't feel like discussing there.  It just seems pointless.  There are issues that are not going to change and why talk about it if nothing can be done?  All I can do is learn to live with them and do what I can to stay on an even keel despite them. Here's hoping.