A really rough time of it today. Having way too much experience with those who use and take advantage, I am perhaps overly sensitive to signs of such a thing. I acknowledge this, but I am in a situation right now that feels extremely familiar. I started helping out a friend by babysitting her daughter. That's all it was because she wasn't working and couldn't afford to pay me. I understood that, and was fine with it. It didn't take long, though, until she started asking me to do it A LOT. In addition, she would tell me that she was going to perhaps one place. Instead, she would end up being gone for HOURS without even calling me to tell me she was going to be gone longer than she had originally planned. It was nothing for me to meet her daughter at the school bus at 3 or 3:30, do all of her homework with her, feed her dinner (if she even bothered to leave anything for her to eat), which meant MY daughter had to cook OUR dinner, and then not getting home until 9 or 10 pm. On christmas eve, obviously her daughter was home from school, so when she asked me to babysit, instead of spending time with MY family, I ended up babysitting from sometime that morning until after midnight. I estimated I was there about 14-16 hours.
Keep in mind, this is all for free. fast forward a few months and she will often call me to babysit at a moment's notice. No lie, she calls,and when I ask when she needs me it's "whenever you can get here." she did this to me the other night at about 8:30 or 9:00 pm. I had already babysat earlier that morning for at least 4-5 hours so she could do some testing for a job (she finally got one this week). now I am sitting in my nightgown and she calls me to babysit. She once again didn't get home until midnight.
All of this wouldn't be quite so bad if there weren't other signs that are indicating that this "friendship" isn't much more than her sucking me dry for all she can get. from all i've said so far you can see that she thinks nothing of seriously inconveniencing her "friends"-well she also seems to get annoyed every time I or anyone else doesn't immediately give her what she wants. The most recent time she asked me to babysit at a moment's notice I quite fairly I thought, asked how long it would be. she says in a somewhat snotty tone, "I don't know shiela." Yesterday was the kicker though. she wanted something that wasn't really mine to do for her. through an honest misunderstanding, a mutual friend of ours asked me if I would do this and thought I said yes. I didn't really get she was asking, so when I found out the thing in question was already done I naturally was a bit upset. I made the mistake of talking to the mutual friend though instead of her directly about it.
My "friend" I have bent over backwards for calls me up all pissy about it. I explained to her as plainly as I could, that I misunderstood, that I had not realized I was being asked, that I had thought it was done without my knowledge, that was why I had gotten upset, and that I wasn't necessarily saying "no", but that it wasn't my decision, that what she wanted in this case was really up to my son. I should have realized that our mutual friend wouldn't have done this unless she thought she had my permission, but I have gotten so used to my "friend" getting everything she wants from everyone for free, that I guess it made me overly sensitive.
At any rate, she said never mind, that she didn't want it, that she always "pays her own way" (this from a woman who has been using this same mutual friend's extra vehicle complete with free gas for months because the one she owns that someone gave her for free from her church broke down and has been having her brother pay almost all her bills for her for almost a year)and that she had just thought because we were "friends.."
what does that mean? that I am supposed to just give her anything she wants for free no questions asked without complaining? it seems nothing is enough, that she just wants more and more, or at the very least thinks nothing of how much she has made me go out of my way and inconvenienced me. I have rarely EVER asked HER for anything. when she had a working car she used to ask me sometimes if I wanted to go get groceries with her, but I never asked her to take me. It was always her offering.
I don't know-I'm rambling, and maybe I am too sensitive. It just feels like she has asked me to go above and beyond. I should tell her if it's too much, but then she herself should realize that things like over 12 hours of free babysitting on christmas eve is too much. I dread what's going to happen now that she is working, and she will be paying me. will she feel even MORE entitled, ask for even MORE because she is giving me what I predict to be a VERY small salary? I have to ask for something. my family can't afford for me to work a full time job for free. we need the money. what the hell have I gotten myself in to?
